Monday, February 16, 2015


Excerpt from "Intruder in the Hayloft":


(SFX:    Snoring.)
JENNY:    Stop foolin' around!   Santa!   Eating Dad's brownies!?
TOMMY:    I'm not foolin'!   He ate ALL(!) of Dad's brownies.
JENNY:    Why would Dad hide brownies….   Ooooh….   Well whoever he is, we can't tell mom 'n' dad he's here.   (SFX:    Snoring.) 
TOMMY:   Why not?
JENNY:    ‘Cause Dad'll have a conniption fit!
TOMMY:   I'm comin' down.
JENNY:    If we tell them, they'll know we've been up in the hayloft.   (SFX:    Snoring.)
TOMMY:    And if he is who I think he is,....
JENNY:    He knows where they hid our Christmas presents.
TOMMY:    Maybe we should tie him up.
JENNY:    Yeah!   So's he doesn't get away before he tells us the hidin' spot.    (SFX:    Snoring.) 
TOMMY:    Yer a genius.
JENNY:    Hurry!   While he's asleep...   We have to go up 'n' tie up the old guy, gag 'im 'n' cover 'im with some hay.
TOMMY:    Hurry!   Grab that bailin' twine over there.
JENNY:    We can gag 'im with this dirty grease rag daddy was usin' to wipe off that ole John Deere tractor motor he's fixin'.   (SFX:    Snoring.)
(SFX:    Clunk, clunk, clunk...   Boots on the steps.)
TOMMY:    (v.o.)   Hurry!
(SFX:    Clunk, clunk, clunk...   of boots on the steps. Pause.)
JENNY:    I’m goin’ as fast as my lil’ legs’ll climb.
JENNY:   I’m goin’ as fast as my lil’ legs’ll climb.
(SFX:   Clunk, clunk, clunk... boots on the steps quickly. ALL ARE UPSTAIRS.)
TOMMY:   (v.o.)   Hurry! You gag ‘im.   I’ll tie ‘im up.
V.O..:   Mumble Mumble Mumble Mumble Mumble Mumble !
JENNY:   (v.o.)   Sorry!   I didn't tie you up.   Not me!
TOMMY:   (v.o.)   She/He stuffed that greasy ole' rag in yer mouth to keep you quiet.
V.O.:   Mumble Mumble Mumble Mumble Mumble Mumble !
JENNY/JEREMY:   (v.o.)   You did that!
TOMMY:  (v.o.)   Yeah, but it was your idea!
V.O.:   Mumble Mumble Mumble Mumble Mumble Mumble !
JENNY/JEREMY:   (v.o.)   Do you think he's Santa Claus?
TOMMY:   (v.o.)   Nope.
V.O.:   Mumble Mumble Mumble Mumble Mumble Mumble !
TOMMY:   (v.o.)   He's not Nico...las... or whatever, neither.
JENNY/JEREMY:   (v.o.)   If you’re Santa, you’ll tell us where they hid our presents. If you tell us… we'll… take that dirty old rag out of your mouth.
V.O.:   Mumble Mumble Mumble Mumble Mumble Mumble ! (SFX:   Spits out rag.)
V.O.:   Bleaugh! (SFX:   Spits.)   How can I talk with that filthy thing in my mouth?!
TOMMY:   (v.o.)   She/He thinks you're Santa, I know you're not.